Ash Holy

Of all of the ecumenical services that are held at my workplace each year, I think I like the Ash Wednesday service the most. It seems the most  penitent and somber of the observances, and therefore it seems more focused and truly "holy" in some respects.

True to most things "Christiany" however, it seems that these observances come with a good dose of "do as I say and not as I do" built in. Today's observance did not omit the oft-quoted passages from Matthew where we are directed to not make spectacles of our worship and observance for spectacle's sake, but rather to go into our closets and pray, and to fast in secret rather than in public, and to not be boastful by drawing attention to ourselves, for rather in our private and humble observance will God grant us favor and abide with us.

And then we put a big conspicuous dot of ash in the middle of our foreheads and go back to work.

I hate Workorderbot!

From: Chayste
Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2011 8:56 AM
To: Workorder, Workorder *
Subject: Hang 2 small white boards

Good morning,

I need to see if I can arrange for someone to come to office 4-47 and hang two small white boards (approx. dimensions 36”x24” each) on our walls. Please contact me for further details, etc.

Thanks,

Chayste

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From: Workorderbot
Sent: Friday, January 21, 2011 8:55 AM
To: Chayste

Subject: RE: Hang 2 small white boards

Good Morning,

Thank you for contacting Workorderbot!

Work order number THX1138 has been assigned to your request.

Should you have a question regarding your work order or need to follow up,  please E-mail workorderbot and let us assist you.

Thank you,

*******************************************
Workorderbot -

This is a PRIVATE message. If you are not the intended recipient, please delete without copying and kindly advise us by e-mail of the mistake in delivery.

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From: Chayste
Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2011 8:50 AM
To: Workorderbot
Subject: Work Order THX1138 -- FW: Hang 2 small white boards

Greetings,

I have received no follow-up, confirmation, or any other communications related to my submitted work order to hang two, small whiteboards on my office wall. I left a message with the facility operations office.

Please contact me with a status and an ETA of when I can have this request addressed. The equipment involved is presently in the way and cluttering our daily work area.

Kind regards,

Chayste

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From: Workorderbot
Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2011 9:00 AM
To: Chayste
Cc: Workordertron, Changeorder9000
Subject: RE: Work Order THX1138 -- FW: Hang 2 small white boards

Thank you for contacting Facility Operations - Engineering Dept!

We will be following up with your request shortly.

Thank you and have a great day!

******************************************* Workorderbot -

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From: Chayste
Sent: Friday, March 03, 2011 11:01 AM
To: Workorderbot
Subject: Work Order THX1138 -- FW: Hang 2 small white boards

Hi,

I really do not want to bring in my own tools/equipment and attempt to tackle this myself. Is there ANY way to get action on this request? Fortunately, in the intervening weeks since my request, one of the whiteboards has moved on to another, more exciting life on somebody else’s wall. I will miss it, but I still want the remaining whiteboard (presently sitting in a funk on my office floor) to have the same exciting opportunities as its now-departed cohort.

Eager to know more about if/when this work order can be filled. Thanks.

Chayste

EPILOG: My whiteboard was installed Friday, March 03, 2011 at 2:20 PM. Long live snarkiness!!

The Banana River

I was standing on the banks of the Banana River which flows through Cape Canaveral. I was a 22-year-old punk, i guess, but I had finally made it to the Mecca of my childhood devotion to see my very first rocket launch ever. In fact, the launch had been delayed two days by this time, otherwise I would not have been in Florida for the launch. I was certain that the forces and fates of the universe had conspired and aligned to delay this launch just for me.

I was taking pictures with 35mm slide film that day (no digital!) because I wanted the nicest shots possible from our vantage point 2 miles away from the launch pad. I used up every last shot on my roll of film in the first 30 seconds of the launch. I then dropped the camera from my eye and took in the spectacle of it all, and the horror that shortly unfolded.

The actual explosion was quite confusing at first. Our vantage point was looking almost straight up the column of exhaust from the rocket engines as the shuttle sped almost directly away from us. The vehicle was actually occluded from our view. It wasn't until several seconds after the explosion that the first, spectacular tendrils of falling debris became visible to us. Soon afterward, it was apparent something had gone horribly wrong. The solid rocket boosters were cantering off and zipping around at crazy angles. We kept looking for the orbiter -- certain it must have detached "by design" and must be winging its way to a relatively safe landing. Eventually we were able to see a parachute and the consensus among spectators for a while was that the orbiter must be attached to it ... obviously some safety mechanism.

While we watched and speculated, NASA officials and security were quietly (and unnoticed by us) cordoning off the area so that nobody could leave ... we were on lock-down. NASA officials also unobtrusively took up positions throughout the crowd of spectators. I eventually noticed one about 30 feet away from me. Just quietly standing there - - NASA emblem on his jacket. sunglasses, stoic expression, quiet. People were quietly approaching him one-by-one. They would mutter something to him, he would mutter something back, and they would leave to return to the rest of their party.

Eventually, my curiosity overcame me and I approached the official, noticing the cordoned off roadway for the first time. A lady stepped out just in front of me as I approached the official, and she asked the question before I could: "what just happened?" Her voice was earnest and truly puzzled. The official remained stoic and barely moved. He said "I believe we just saw seven brave astronauts die, ma'am." I fought very hard to control my emotions (something I do not seem to be able to do as well these 25 years later) and returned to tell my friends the news. It was hours before we were allowed to board our tour buses and leave, and it was hours more before we were able to get back to our hotel and actually see what had been televised around the world for so many hours already. What a horrible day -- God bless that crew and their families.

Secret messages from ninjas

Google does doses

I just wanna make sure you good ppls remember exactly how "not for evil" the Google is. I got a medication from the doctor yesterday that told me to "TAKE 5ML BY MOUTH [thank God] EVERY 6 HOURS..." Now where exactly did I put my milliliter spoon?!? Not to worry...a little plain English in the form of a conversion question dropped into the Google search bar does the trick (by design). Works for math equations too, ya young punks!

Why my boss hates me

From: Chayste
Sent: Wednesday, November 10, 2010 12:47 PM
To: Training Team
Subject: RE: Still at Corporate Office

Well one of the chickens (don’t know which) called one of the cows a “dumb butt”. They can be so childish sometimes, but naturally this created a minor scuffle which quickly escalated to involve more chickens and cows, and eventually the pigs. Ma had to come out of the kitchen and threaten the whole bunch with a churn handle, but she knows how to handle em and they quieted down soon enough. Meanwhile, the RN trainings went off without a hitch, the RxStation folks seem to be getting their arms around reviewing and feeding back without too much of a fuss, and the wheat’s comin’in the back 40 a bushel-a-foot! (We’ll need rat traps before the fall is over).

How goes it at the Spam factory?

--------------------- Original Message ------------------

From: Bossman, Mr.
Sent: Wednesday, November 10, 2010 12:42 PM
To: Training Team
Subject: Still at Corporate Office

How goes it at the farm?

Mr. Bossman

Supreme Overlord, Hospital Training

Hospital

Five-second Rule

Definitely falls under the category of "things that make me chuckle."