Secret messages from ninjas

Google does doses

I just wanna make sure you good ppls remember exactly how "not for evil" the Google is. I got a medication from the doctor yesterday that told me to "TAKE 5ML BY MOUTH [thank God] EVERY 6 HOURS..." Now where exactly did I put my milliliter spoon?!? Not to worry...a little plain English in the form of a conversion question dropped into the Google search bar does the trick (by design). Works for math equations too, ya young punks!

Why my boss hates me

From: Chayste
Sent: Wednesday, November 10, 2010 12:47 PM
To: Training Team
Subject: RE: Still at Corporate Office

Well one of the chickens (don’t know which) called one of the cows a “dumb butt”. They can be so childish sometimes, but naturally this created a minor scuffle which quickly escalated to involve more chickens and cows, and eventually the pigs. Ma had to come out of the kitchen and threaten the whole bunch with a churn handle, but she knows how to handle em and they quieted down soon enough. Meanwhile, the RN trainings went off without a hitch, the RxStation folks seem to be getting their arms around reviewing and feeding back without too much of a fuss, and the wheat’s comin’in the back 40 a bushel-a-foot! (We’ll need rat traps before the fall is over).

How goes it at the Spam factory?

--------------------- Original Message ------------------

From: Bossman, Mr.
Sent: Wednesday, November 10, 2010 12:42 PM
To: Training Team
Subject: Still at Corporate Office

How goes it at the farm?

Mr. Bossman

Supreme Overlord, Hospital Training

Hospital

Five-second Rule

Definitely falls under the category of "things that make me chuckle."

Word Googsociation

Google's no dummy. When you search for X, you get ads for Y where Y is the most-likely associated products to appeal to the presumed demographic of the X-searcher as determined by Google's trillion-dollar who-consumes-what marketing algorithm.

It can be a telling "sign of the times" from a blind algorithmic arbiter that just calls it like it sees it... uh, even though it's blind? Try it. Search Google for "puppies" and you get ads for puppy chow and veterinarians. Search for Sarah Palin and wade through volumes of ads for Biggelow and AK-47s. But search for "Screenwriting" and you get this...

Now go search "Lindsay Lohan".

My Little Phony

Now where did I put my Diane Weist/Alan Arkin Action Kit?

Ferris needs a day off

In my dream, I was in my home, upstairs. As I unplugged some unidentified dream appliance from a wall socket, there was a distinct short within the wall -- I could hear (in my dream) the snapping sparks, I could feel the vibrating energy of the arcing, smell the ozone, and the the distinct wood-smouldering aroma as the fire kindled within the wall. In my dream I flew into a panic to gather up what little provisions and important items I could in the little time that I knew I had. In my dream I dashed down the hall to gather some unidentified dreamstuffs from (perhaps) the dream bathroom, and then back to the area where the fire had sparked -- there was now water gushing in torrents from OTHER walls -- walls with no plumbing in them -- and the hallways and upstairs bedrooms were now awash in water. In my dream, I could feel the soggy carpet and padding as I slogged back to the now-innundated bedroom where the fire had started. In my dream, in spite of the water gushing from some walls, the fire continued within its own walls -- a spreading charred blackness slowly consumed the wall spreading outward from the originating electrical socket. This was the only visual indication of the fire within. This and the acrid smell of burning wood. No flames. No smoke.

In my dream my house was burning... AND flooding. I spent the remainder of this dream in an absolute panic not for the safety of family and loved ones, and not in an effort to gather photos and treasured belonging. I was in a panic to contact someone -- brothers, sisters, some other family member or friend -- to come and dial 911 and coordinate with the responding firemen and whomever... because I WAS LATE FOR WORK! In my dream, my house was burning down (and flooding!!) and my concern was simply that I HAD TO GET TO WORK and this fire (and flood dammit -- don't forget the flood!) was making me late!!

Geeze I need a vacation.