Writing on Water

Yes, Virginia, you CAN get sick of ice cream

DAY 1 POST-OP

Yesterday I posted THIS on my twitter blog:

So me n my tonsils parted company today. Nomming icecream ftw!! #imtoooldforthisshit

"FTW" indeed!! My post-op instructions inform my mom that she should try to keep me indoors and "relatively quiet" for the first three days. They ARE, after all, post-op instructions for the parents of children who have just undergone a tonsillectomy. Adults can use pretty much the same post-op instructions...it's just that we need to double everything.

It takes at least twice a long for an adult to recover from this same procedure, and it is significantly more painful and debilitating. Debilitating partly from the pain, and partly from the pain killers used to manage it.

I would otherwise be on "Day 2" of my post-op instructions and would be able to add pudding, pureed veggies, cottage cheese, etc to my diet -- oh I WISH. I can't even imagine washing BROTH (allowed on Day 1) over these tonsil-holes, let alone something more substantial in texture and nutrition! Still suckin' down the vanilla ice cream at this point. Just whipped up a batch of JELL-O though (... well mom and/or sis did anyway) so I'm broadening my culinary horizons by at least 100%

Turn to the right...wait.

I do not have to walk far from my office to encounter this kind of stuff, and in deference to Abe Froman the Sausage King of Chicago, I too weep for the future.

Yes, the angle brackets on the adjacent "signage" are supposed to represent directional arrows, and yes they absolutely do indeed point ever so clearly and boldly to the LEFT.

I know the question that is trying to form in your rational mind at this very moment, and while you probably have not completely finished constructing it (it's okay... I know you're distracted by a horde of jostling and competing thoughts) I can tell you that the answer to your question is "I DON'T KNOW!!!"

The smell of coolness

Beware the banditos

"They're Gypsies," Rosa told me as we walked up the street toward where we board our shuttle that takes us from the hospital where we work to the lot where we park in the next town over. Well that answered my question, anyway. I noticed the gathering as I left work the day before. A large group of men (all of whom appeared to be in their mid 20s to their 40s and, perhaps, eastern European) were congregated in the smoking areas along the sidewalk in front of the hospital. They were all dressed similarly - dark slacks with white dress shirts. Their hair styles were all remarkably similar and they were speaking what was to me an unfamiliar dialect as they congregated in several small groups. There were bulk-quantity packs of bottled water and other snack/drink products interspersed throughout the group and they passed snacks and drinks to one another as they chatted. I took them for a team of foreign health care professionals perhaps touring our hospital as part of their education or a conference.

"This happens from time to time," Rosa told me as we walked. Snippets of foreign conversations faded behind us. "Whenever one of their young family members gets sick, they come from all over -- huge families -- to be together." This struck me as truly remarkable, but Rosa went on before I could ponder the facts of the matter much further. I'd known Rosa as an acquaintance since I began working at the hospital a few years prior. An adorable person with among the more kind and cheerful dispositions I've come to know at work. Certainly the matriarch of what I imagined must be a large and loving Hispanic family. Rosa is the roly-poly quintessence of the kindly grandmother. "They used to scare some of the other nurses," she told me. "Even I never trusted them. When they'd come around I would always walk around the other way to avoid them. And when I'd walk by, I would try to hide my purse, and I'd watch them like this, you know..." Rosa made a classic, shifty-eyed face of distrust and watchfulness as she pretend-watched the "untrustworthy" Gypsies. I had to laugh. She was so earnest and concerned. And the honesty of her prejudice was starkly revealed and contrasted by her loving and lovable disposition.

"But then one day you know," she went on, "I was passing them out here on the street again. And I was watching them like this," (more of her steely evil-eye gaze) "and I was clutching my purse just like this," (Rosa made a blatantly-obvious show of concealment and protection as she clutched her purse tightly under her arm, and slightly twisted her upper torso away from me to put the bulk of herself between me and her "treasures" (I chuckled again as she paused briefly). "And I stepped right off a curb that I did not see." She pantomimed her stunned shock as she described how she tumbled into the hospital driveway, losing her grip on her purse and spilling contents and coins literally everywhere. "I just sat there in the street, shocked!" she said. "And you know, the whole group of Gypsy men came rushing over to me, and they picked me up. Some of them made sure I was okay while others collected my purse and money from the street and gave them all back to me." She gave the most heart-breakingly earnest look as she said "And I have never felt so ashamed."

I laughed kindly and warmly reassured her that her feelings were understandable given the times and culture of the day. We boarded our shuttle van and buckled in for the ride across town. And on the drive home that day, and often since, I have reflected that Rosa's lesson-learned was clear, and honest, and beautifully delivered. I come to the hospital where I work every day to teach. And often I come to the hospital to heal myself. And once in a while thanks to fate, happenstance, and the wonderful people whom I work and share with, I even learn to teach and heal a little more beautifully.

Dueling Truths

It's fun because it's Almighty Truth! :D The Bible or Qur'an Game... by Whammo, presumably.

I'm wishing

I'm wishing that these kinds of things would just stop happening. I'm wishing I could have just five minutes to talk to these young kids who feel so hopeless and put-upon. I'm wishing that I could make them see how transitory this part of their life is, and how loved they are now, and how loved they will be by so many that they haven't even met yet. I'm wishing that I could convince them that those who they feel so persecuted by just simply do not matter; that these bullies of today are at the "peak" of their perceived "coolness" and "influence" (and that they really have none to begin with anyway) and that before you know it, these same bullies will be relegated to the ranks of what they truly are -- a pathetic band of also-rans, wanna-bes, and has-beens... on their BEST days.

I wish to God that I could just turn the clock back and have a few simple words with the so tragically many young people who have needlessly taken their own lives for the sake of some current perception of something that will just not be that important at all in the very near future -- if they would JUST stick it out long enough to realize it. This has simply got to stop.

Vulpes novit legem

I used to know a crazy dog lady

I really did. And I loved her to pieces (still do). And you know who you are... ANDREA! But lo these many years later I've stumbled across a stranger creature still -- the Crazy Duck Lady (and I love her to pieces too). By my token, crazy duck ladies are charming, sweet, irrepressible, and love LOVE LOVE their* ducks. The Lovely Lani is quintessential Duck Lady and farm-fresh Lisa Douglas incarnate.

At the Orange County Marathon this May 1st (2011) Lani will be trekking the 26.2 miles of Pheidippides to raise money and awareness for the Animal Protection and Rescue League and their "No Foie Gras" campaign.

Lani would LOVE for you to love LOVE LOVE her ducks too, so give a buck and hug a duck!!

*Note to everybody under 30 years old: "their" = posessive pronoun. NOT "there" or "they're". Though which of you would EVER go to "they're" under any circumstances?

We are all one

Aside from putting those hand dance doofuses to complete and utter shame (...okay, they're pretty good too) the hidden delight in this video to me is the actions and reactions of the "bystanders" and "passers-by" in the background (and sometimes foreground) of this video. I actually love the song, theme and message too -- WINNING!

Jesu, joy of man's advertising

When I was very young I had a little toy train that did kinda the same thing. Only not through the forest.The deep, dark Japanese forest.

The Oasis

I (sadly) spend an inordinate amount of time reading about bigotry and hatred, narrow-mindedness and exclusionary rants... all too often in the name of a "loving religion" that bears little resemblance to the religion of my youth and the religion that still speaks to me today through the same scriptures that get the bigots and haters all fired up.

And then there's this ... a small refreshing spring set in the scorched, barren desert of the blogosphere. It's the intertubes done right, and certainly provides enough restorative sustenance to allow you to spill a tear or two.

Ed got hungry

My boss, Jeff, had an oft-neglected beta fish on his desk at the office. One afternoon when I was at a meeting and Jeff was out of town, Ed the Fish decided to take desperate measures to contact our animal-loving friend, Andrea, for a little help.

Remember - Threads read bottom to top (when I'm too lazy to re-order them)

******* Ed the Fish is Hungry *******

From: Chayste

To: Andrea the Kind

Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2000 09:49:54 -0800

Subject: RE: feed me pleez

flagged down klening peepul and communikatud my dire need for fewd

thay tuke pittie on me and give me fewd but that wuz laas nite

am feeling pekish yet ugain and thu faat lode hoo sitz here wont luk my way

gosh chaast iz u faat lode

 -----Original Message-----

From:   Andrea the Kind

Sent:   Thursday, November 16, 2000 9:41 AM

To:     Chayste

Subject:        RE: feed me pleez

Oh no!!!  Sorry Ed.  I was out yesterday.  I hope you haven’t starved.  Do you still need to be fed?

-----Original Message-----

From:   Chayste

Sent:   Wednesday, November 15, 2000 9:22 AM

To:     Andrea the Kind

Subject:        feed me pleez

deer andrea pleez helllp me eet

jeef is out uf the offiz tuday and chaast is at u meating

cant get to fewd myself i hoppd owt uf my bole but cant lift thu fewd pak

i am flopping rownd on chaastz keebored tipeing uyu thiz letture

can uyu pleez feed me? im hungrie!

luv,

ed thufish

3-headed governor spews english-like substance

California's 3-Headed Governor Speaks
to Rescue Workers, Californians


(UPN Wire) Staff Writer
LOS ANGELES, CA


California's tripple-headed Governor Arnold
Schwarzenegger addressed the residents, emergency
response workers, and the media today from the small
California coastal town of La Conchita today.




The movie-star-turned-actor-turned-governor's
middle head praised the efforts of rescue workers and
citizens in their quick response to a landslide which
buried half of the town killing at least 10 and leaving
dozens of others missing or homeless.
The middle head of the english-challenged governor
went on to pledge the support of the California
state government as well as its citizens while the left
and right heads looked on solemnly, occasionally
nodding their agreement to points the middle head
was making.


La Conchita (which is Spanish for "small feminine man") has
300 residents and is located on the California coast 2 hours
west of Los Angeles. The town is nestled at the foot of
towering bluffs which look out over the Pacific Ocean. Weeks
of above-average rainfall and high winds have swamped
the area and much of Los Angeles and Southern California
causing mudslides, traffic accidents and power outages
which have so far claimed over 23 lives.


On Monday afternoon the saturated hillside above La
Conchita (which is Spanish for "the conch shell") gave
way sending thousands of tons of mud and debris racing
down the hillside and into the quiet town.


The Governor flew from Sacramento or Hollywood to
personally assess the devastation. "This is a tremendous
tragedy," said the Governor's middle head. "I have never
before in all of my year as the Governor of the State of
California seen this town buried in so much mud. It is a
tremendous tragedy." This statement elicited another nod
from the right head while the left head merely looked down at
the Governor's shoes. That's left and right as you look at the
Governor, not the Governor's left and right.


La Conchita (located just south of Santa Barbara and which
means "roadside comfort station" in Spanish) will spend the
next several weeks and months digging out from beneath the
mud and rubble. But in the mean time the struggle to find the
dead and missing pushes on.


Milt Stimley is a Staff Writer for the UPN News Wire

Go Jesse Go!

Dropped my taco

They done this right...

Humans: Undeniable love of Hostess cupcakes

Forever's Not So Long from garrettmurray on Vimeo.

The geologist geek in me

It's just amazing to see such clear and explicit examples of some fairly abstract geologic concepts as those that were displayed during the earthquake in Japan yesterday. Here, in all its glory, is one of the most incredible examples (amusingly narrated) of liquefaction and sandblows on reclaimed and developed harbor land.

Ash Holy

Of all of the ecumenical services that are held at my workplace each year, I think I like the Ash Wednesday service the most. It seems the most  penitent and somber of the observances, and therefore it seems more focused and truly "holy" in some respects.

True to most things "Christiany" however, it seems that these observances come with a good dose of "do as I say and not as I do" built in. Today's observance did not omit the oft-quoted passages from Matthew where we are directed to not make spectacles of our worship and observance for spectacle's sake, but rather to go into our closets and pray, and to fast in secret rather than in public, and to not be boastful by drawing attention to ourselves, for rather in our private and humble observance will God grant us favor and abide with us.

And then we put a big conspicuous dot of ash in the middle of our foreheads and go back to work.

I hate Workorderbot!

From: Chayste
Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2011 8:56 AM
To: Workorder, Workorder *
Subject: Hang 2 small white boards

Good morning,

I need to see if I can arrange for someone to come to office 4-47 and hang two small white boards (approx. dimensions 36”x24” each) on our walls. Please contact me for further details, etc.

Thanks,

Chayste

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

From: Workorderbot
Sent: Friday, January 21, 2011 8:55 AM
To: Chayste

Subject: RE: Hang 2 small white boards

Good Morning,

Thank you for contacting Workorderbot!

Work order number THX1138 has been assigned to your request.

Should you have a question regarding your work order or need to follow up,  please E-mail workorderbot and let us assist you.

Thank you,

*******************************************
Workorderbot -

This is a PRIVATE message. If you are not the intended recipient, please delete without copying and kindly advise us by e-mail of the mistake in delivery.

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

From: Chayste
Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2011 8:50 AM
To: Workorderbot
Subject: Work Order THX1138 -- FW: Hang 2 small white boards

Greetings,

I have received no follow-up, confirmation, or any other communications related to my submitted work order to hang two, small whiteboards on my office wall. I left a message with the facility operations office.

Please contact me with a status and an ETA of when I can have this request addressed. The equipment involved is presently in the way and cluttering our daily work area.

Kind regards,

Chayste

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

From: Workorderbot
Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2011 9:00 AM
To: Chayste
Cc: Workordertron, Changeorder9000
Subject: RE: Work Order THX1138 -- FW: Hang 2 small white boards

Thank you for contacting Facility Operations - Engineering Dept!

We will be following up with your request shortly.

Thank you and have a great day!

******************************************* Workorderbot -

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

From: Chayste
Sent: Friday, March 03, 2011 11:01 AM
To: Workorderbot
Subject: Work Order THX1138 -- FW: Hang 2 small white boards

Hi,

I really do not want to bring in my own tools/equipment and attempt to tackle this myself. Is there ANY way to get action on this request? Fortunately, in the intervening weeks since my request, one of the whiteboards has moved on to another, more exciting life on somebody else’s wall. I will miss it, but I still want the remaining whiteboard (presently sitting in a funk on my office floor) to have the same exciting opportunities as its now-departed cohort.

Eager to know more about if/when this work order can be filled. Thanks.

Chayste

EPILOG: My whiteboard was installed Friday, March 03, 2011 at 2:20 PM. Long live snarkiness!!

The Banana River

I was standing on the banks of the Banana River which flows through Cape Canaveral. I was a 22-year-old punk, i guess, but I had finally made it to the Mecca of my childhood devotion to see my very first rocket launch ever. In fact, the launch had been delayed two days by this time, otherwise I would not have been in Florida for the launch. I was certain that the forces and fates of the universe had conspired and aligned to delay this launch just for me.

I was taking pictures with 35mm slide film that day (no digital!) because I wanted the nicest shots possible from our vantage point 2 miles away from the launch pad. I used up every last shot on my roll of film in the first 30 seconds of the launch. I then dropped the camera from my eye and took in the spectacle of it all, and the horror that shortly unfolded.

The actual explosion was quite confusing at first. Our vantage point was looking almost straight up the column of exhaust from the rocket engines as the shuttle sped almost directly away from us. The vehicle was actually occluded from our view. It wasn't until several seconds after the explosion that the first, spectacular tendrils of falling debris became visible to us. Soon afterward, it was apparent something had gone horribly wrong. The solid rocket boosters were cantering off and zipping around at crazy angles. We kept looking for the orbiter -- certain it must have detached "by design" and must be winging its way to a relatively safe landing. Eventually we were able to see a parachute and the consensus among spectators for a while was that the orbiter must be attached to it ... obviously some safety mechanism.

While we watched and speculated, NASA officials and security were quietly (and unnoticed by us) cordoning off the area so that nobody could leave ... we were on lock-down. NASA officials also unobtrusively took up positions throughout the crowd of spectators. I eventually noticed one about 30 feet away from me. Just quietly standing there - - NASA emblem on his jacket. sunglasses, stoic expression, quiet. People were quietly approaching him one-by-one. They would mutter something to him, he would mutter something back, and they would leave to return to the rest of their party.

Eventually, my curiosity overcame me and I approached the official, noticing the cordoned off roadway for the first time. A lady stepped out just in front of me as I approached the official, and she asked the question before I could: "what just happened?" Her voice was earnest and truly puzzled. The official remained stoic and barely moved. He said "I believe we just saw seven brave astronauts die, ma'am." I fought very hard to control my emotions (something I do not seem to be able to do as well these 25 years later) and returned to tell my friends the news. It was hours before we were allowed to board our tour buses and leave, and it was hours more before we were able to get back to our hotel and actually see what had been televised around the world for so many hours already. What a horrible day -- God bless that crew and their families.